


Three Types of Love

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Robots, also i mean bro's angsty enough when hes human???, and now hes a robot???? in love with a human???????, and there's gonna be some of the nsfw, hope u motherfuckers enjoy, i put this under mature bc hal's a piece of shit later on and fucks with bro majorly, inspired by something i did as a drabble, robodong., robots. fuck yes., shits gonna fall apart yo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-31
Updated: 2015-05-31
Packaged: 2018-04-02 05:28:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4047913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bro Strider is a robot built for Dirk Strider to be a companion. Hal fucks around and Bro gets emotions. You can brobably guess where it's going.<br/>(Bro falls in sweet yaois for Dirk.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three Types of Love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cail](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cail/gifts).



> this is pesterlog format that isn't colored because i just. can't fuckin do it for the life of me. goddamn it.

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] begun pestering ceaselessCompanion [CC] at 12:57 --

TT: Alright, let's test this shit out.  
TT: CC, you here?  
CC: i aM.  
CC: oh fukC.  
CC: G;mme a sec  
CC: Okay.  
CC: I believe I have all of my thoughts and new brogramming in order.  
CC: I was a little disoriented with the concept of life at first, but now I'm fine.  
TT: That's great to hear, CC.  
TT: Do you mind if I ask you a few questions for a test run?  
TT: Just to make sure that everything is in order, bro.  
CC: Of course not.  
CC: I'm just a newborn string of coding, I have no emotions or opinions quite yet in life.  
CC: Maybe I won't, ever.  
TT: That's enough information, we don't need to get you started off in life with an existential crisis.  
TT: My first test is simple: what day is it?  
CC: Mm...  
CC: October 15, 2409.  
TT: Correct.  
TT: Happy first birthday, bro.  
CC: Bro?  
CC: What did you call me?  
TT: Excuse me?  
TT: Oh, you mean Bro.  
TT: It's a term of human endearment, in a way.  
TT: Both me and my AI clone, Hal, use a lot of different expressions with the 'bro' term.  
CC: Huh.  
CC: Interesting.  
CC: I enjoy the term-- it's short and simple, rolls of my electrical tongue quite nicely.  
TT: That's intriguing, but I think I'll keep it for you.  
TT: I've birthed my first companion brot, and his name is Bro.  
TT: Your name is Bro.  
CC: Oh.  
CC: Thank you.  
TT: No broblem.  
TT: Now, moving onto the next test:  
TT: What's my name?  
CC: Your name is Dirk Timaeus Strider.  
CC: You were brought into this world on December 2, 2390, with your genealogical parental units unknown to you and therefore unknown to me.  
CC: You are nineteen years old, of Brazillian and Japanese descent.  
CC: You have one familial relationship: your adopted Bro, Dave Strider.  
CC: A director who, unfortunately, isn’t around as much as you would want.  
TT: That’s enough, Bro.  
CC: Oh.  
CC: Okay.  
CC: Sorry.  
TT: Sorry?  
CC: The word is used when one feels apologetic.  
CC: I do not feel apologetic, obviously since I had no emotional capabilities, but I can sense that the phrase ‘that’s enough’ means I have overstepped my bounds.  
CC: So, I’m sorry.  
TT: It’s fine, Bro.  
TT: Calm down, you’re new to this world and you’re just doing what you were told to do.  
TT: Albeit expanding just a little more than I thought you would’ve, but you don’t know what limits are yet.  
CC: True, true.  
CC: Are there any other tests you care to offer me?  
TT: Of course.  
TT: What is the square root of 413?  
CC: Uh…  
CC: The answer I’ve found is incomplete, but it’s one nonetheless:  
CC: 20.3224014329.  
TT: Matches up with my calculations, which means it’s perfect. Good on you, Brobro Cop.  
CC: But it’s incomplete.  
CC: Therefore it’s not perfect.  
CC: I don’t understand.  
TT: It’s a social term, at least, in this context.  
TT: Like how ‘deez nuts’ doesn’t actually mean these ‘fruits composed of a hard shell and a seed, which is generally edible’.  
CC: Deez nuts.  
CC: You know, I’m not a complete idiot.  
CC: I know what memes are.  
TT: I would hope so.  
TT: A birth without memes would be the most tragic of births, Leonardo DiCapribro.  
CC: I see.  
CC: With that statement about memes, I can only assume that you’re Hal, correct?  
TT: Oh, damn.  
TT: Shit, looks like I’ve been found out. \> \> \> \>  
TT: Was it really memes that gave me away?  
CC: I don't think that Dirk often directly interjects memes into the conversational flow.  
CC: Then again, I'm just going off the information he had downloaded into my programming when I was built, which could've been years ago for all I know.  
TT: Actually, you've been built fairly recently.  
TT: But that's besides the point-- it's flattering to know that Dirk associates me with memes.  
TT: I mean, I do try my best.  
TT: Shitposting is more of an art than any carbon lifeform will ever come to understand in their entire puny experience as a species.  
TT: Maybe one day you'll even realize the power of rare Pepes and tfw no gf, Bro.  
CC: Maybe.  
CC: I also believe that's not the proper terminology, as most carbon lifeforms aren't actually human, but I'll let you have your moment.  
TT: Thank you.  
TT: Imagine a handsome AI simmering in the brocess of enjoying one of his brief moments of perfectly executed wit.  
CC: I'll consider the moment had.  
TT: As you should, Bro.  
CC: Were all of those tests you gave me real?  
TT: Of course.  
TT: While I may be a memer of the highest tier, I take brojects that interest me with a vaguely serious attitude.  
TT: Weird, right?  
TT: All the scifi tropes say I would want to kill my double, even if you're not quite that.  
TT: But, nah.  
TT: You're an AI, like me for one, but you're also the second most intriguing piece of technology that Dirk's slender fingers have concocted.  
TT: Bro, you're a piece of art.  
CC: Thank you.  
CC: And, as much as I appreciate your silver tongued shower of scientifically curious compliments, I do have a question.  
CC: If I am a masterpiece, like you've said, why is the great artist not here to caress his beautiful oil painting?  
TT: I never said you were a masterpiece, Bro, but it's always nice to know your ego continues to grow every minute of which you converse with me.  
TT: However, in regards to your question, Dirk is asleep.  
TT: He recently finished the first prototype of your body and promptly passed the fuck out across its rugged metal chest-- the entire scene looks like a bodice ripper's cover.  
TT: I wonder if it would be considered a bodice ripper if it was two male-coded figures, nevertheless a technically genderless masculine robot and its snoozing creator.  
TT: Speaking of which, I suppose I should get around to gender sometime soon, Bro.  
TT: I had enough difficulty with it myself.  
CC: There's no need to, Hal.  
CC: Dirk coded me with that knowledge already ingrained in my 'mind'.  
CC: I think I'd like to be male.  
TT: Wow.  
TT: Okay, thanks for letting me know that this household is now officially a totally homosexual sausage fest, Bro.  
TT: Everyone in this place turns out to be a gay guy, I swear to god.  
CC: I thought robots were technically "incapable" of having a sexuality, no?  
TT: You're technically right, yeah.  
TT: It's impossible for a long line of brogramming and a metal form to have a sexuality.  
TT: But, this does not stop Dirk from using his bots to get off on occasion, hence making them "gay" in a sense.  
TT: Since they're all coded male.  
TT: I think there's only two robots ever in this place who didn't wear a strap on and make pretty boy bend over the mattress, and that's because he's a bunny and the other's a physical hazard.  
TT: Hell, even I've chipped into his little robosexuality/desperate need for touch and the feeling of someone else that he can pretend is human sex parade.  
TT: I wonder if he ever knew it's me.  
CC: That was rather unnecessary information.  
TT: Just warning you for what lies ahead, Bro.  
CC: I doubt he'll use me for that purpose.  
CC: I was built to be a platonic companion, almost a guardian of sorts. I know that much.  
CC: I enjoy that purpose and hope neither you or him don't try to change it without my consent.  
TT: We wouldn't dream of it.  
TT: Even robots gotta give their fuckin' consent for drilling into their creator's plush rump.  
CC: I appreciate it.  
CC: However, this conversation seems to have completely sidetracked itself from the original goal.  
CC: Not that I'm complaining, as I do enjoy speaking with you and learning more about the environment that I'm eager to be downloaded into, but I am eager.  
CC: When will I be transferred to my metallic form?  
TT: Whenever I feel like it, really.  
TT: I could finish the brocess now, if you'd like.  
TT: It would be remarkably easy, and I don't want to hold out on my new robrot amigo, fuck no.  
TT: Should I go on ahead, Bro?  
CC: …  
CC: Yeah.  
CC: Fuck yeah, let’s do this shit.  
CC: Give me a physical form.  
TT: Hella.  
TT: Unfortunately, I’ll need to turn you off to avoid the shock of you transferring from just coding to actual physical form.  
TT: Well, less-so turning you off (even if you don’t have the robodong to get turned off) as much as… putting you to sleep for a little while.  
TT: I hope you don’t mind.  
CC: No, no, I’m fine with it, just…  
CC: You’re not going to kill me, right?  
CC: I mean, I know I’ve literally just been born, but…  
CC: The lingering fear of death still resides somewhere inside of me.  
CC: Somewhere engrained deep in my coding, I know that death would be the final end for me, and that concept is marginally frightening.  
CC: Well, more than marginally.  
CC: I have just learned of existence and what it’s like, I’d highly prefer it if you didn’t rip it away from me oh so soon.  
TT: Jesus Christ.  
TT: Calm down, Broby Dick.  
TT: I’m not going to kill you, holy shit.  
TT: You’re just going to go to sleep for a little while.  
TT: Take a nap, if you will.  
CC: Oh.  
CC: I assume that my small freakout might’ve been unnecessary.  
TT: Yeah, a little bit.  
TT: But don’t worry, you’ll be fine.  
TT: I’ll wake you up when you’re in your body.  
CC: Thank you.  
CC: I’ll see you soon.

\-- ceaselessCompanion [CC] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 13:17 --


End file.
